My pregnancy was a walk in the park

If it wasn’t for my ever-expanding waistline I wouldn’t have known I was pregnant. Life was good and consisted of pregnancy Pilates, afternoon siestas, and daydreams of how perfect life would be once my little bundle of joy arrived.

And then she was here. This perfect baby girl. But instead of feelings of joy, I was overcome with fear and anxiety. The night of her birth I did not sleep a wink. My mind began to spiral uncontrollably. What if she didn’t love me? What if I couldn’t take care of her? Did I choose the wrong spelling for her name? It was one of the most lonely and terrifying nights of my life. 

The months that ensued were filled with self-doubt.

I was anxious about everything. I wouldn’t make plans to go out because I was afraid she wouldn’t sleep anywhere other than her cot. I felt so lonely yet I didn’t want to see anyone. I felt like a failure as a mother.

Soon I suspected that I may have postpartum depression.

Up until Anneliese was around three months old, I thought PPD only applied to women who didn’t love their babies, or wanted to harm them. I soon learned this wasn’t the case and I reached out to my doctor.

We put together a mental health plan and this included a non-negotiable commitment to exercise each day. Immediately I felt anxious. The excuses started to swirl through my mind. I was so tired, I had no energy, and I had a husband who worked away. My baby was not a great sleeper. When could I possibly find the time?

But I knew enough was enough.

My daughter needed a happy and healthy mum who had the energy and mindset to take care of her solo the majority of the time. So I made the commitment then and there to turn my mental health around.

Early morning exercise always worked best for me. And I loved doing weight training and group classes at the gym before I had my baby. But without another adult in the house to mind baby this was no longer an option.

So I bought myself a set of 1-10kg dumbbells and set myself up with a home-gym in our courtyard. It was the middle of winter and freezing cold but six times a week my alarm was set for 5am and I was out there doing my 40 minute circuit.

Things didn’t always run smoothly and there were many mornings Anneliese would wake halfway through a workout. I would rug her up and sit her outside in her bouncer with a bottle and she would watch with curiosity as I did my burpees. Sometimes she would cry and we would have a cuddle break. Sometimes I would have to stop mid-way through to change a smelly nappy.

But no matter what the interruption, I never quit.

And as the weeks rolled into months, my mind started to become clearer and I realised I wasn’t the irritable, teary, negative Mum I once was. I had a sense of control again and those early mornings watching the sunrise… they were medicine for my soul. Waking up early and starting my day with exercise set a positive tone in my household. A happier Mum inevitably resulted in a happier baby.

And I realised something… That the best workout is the one you actually do! The one that suits your schedule, is maintainable, affordable and most importantly you enjoy! Let’s be honest, if you hate every second of a workout you aren’t going to stick with it.

I also realised that as a mum, your exercise schedule may go through phases and stages and what works when you’ve got a newborn may not suit when you’ve got a toddler, or once multiple children are in the equation. And that’s okay too! Over the past seven years (and now with three children) my fitness regime has evolved and my girls can all get involved. Because they have seen me exercising since they were very little, they have grown up appreciating that mum needs to exercise every day so she has a happy and healthy mind and body.

I know the excuses we have feel legitimate.

We have no time to exercise, no energy, we are too tired, or feeling too sad. We may feel like these conditions are impossible to overcome, but even 10 minutes at a time will make a step in the right direction.

If you’re struggling with postpartum anxiety or depression, you’re not alone! Reach out to your GP or head over to: https://www.panda.org.au/. 

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