When I had my son eleven years ago I was really struggling. I had horrible postpartum. My husband would come home from work and I would lay down on the couch. I would have zero energy to go and do anything. I would have to force myself to get up off the couch and make supper or get the kids to bed.

I went to my doctor and said that I’m really struggling but I don’t want to go on medication. I have to specify that I don’t have anything against it and I totally support those who are on it and there is absolutely no shame in it or asking for help. I just personally did not want to. So he said to me “How do you get up off the couch?” I said “I force myself,” He said to me “ I agree with that answer that you don’t need medication, my recommendation to you is that you and your husband go out on regular date nights with just the two of you”

So we did exactly that! We started off by going on weekly dates. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive. Sometimes it was just going out for a walk for an hour or two. After a while, we dropped down to a couple of times a month and then once a month. But I have to admit it made a world of a difference in my mental health and our marriage. I would notice that my mental health was starting to suffer again if we hadn’t done date night in a while and I would tell my hubby it’s time for a date night!

My kids are older now and don’t require sitters but we have continued with this ever since. Not as often as before but we still do it.  Now that it’s summer and golf season is upon us. My husband and I go on a golf date every week. Just because you have kids does not mean you are strapped to them until they turn 18.

When new moms ask me for any advice I can give them when becoming a new mom the first thing I tell them is it’s ok to leave the baby with a sitter. I believe that it is extremely important for your mental health and your marriage to still go on dates and take time out for yourself.

I’m not going to lie but my marriage comes before my kids. Yes that’s right I said it. You have to remember that your marriage was there first and your marriage is what will be there after your kids leave the nest. But there won’t be a marriage to fall back on if you don’t take time to work on it even with kids around.