When you’re grieving on Mother’s Day
The hardest day of my life was the day I become a mother.
Every woman has a story, has their own journey. Not one is the same.
The start of motherhood comes in so many forms for us all and for some of us, our journey into motherhood is the most terrifying experience we’ll ever face.
Hearing and seeing the words ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ plastered all over the media and seeing it in every shop you walk into can make your anxiety and grief sky rocket.
I was thrown into motherhood 16 weeks early.
I was not prepared for the journey ahead of me.
I had no idea what the future looked like.
I had absolutely no control of it.
For four months I was lucky enough to be the mummy to a beautiful baby boy. We called him Jax and with him I experienced the powerful and unconditional love that arrives with becoming a mother.
But after 16 weeks he let us know he had had enough of fighting in this world. His lungs could not cope any longer and he grew his wings. Jax was now our very own beautiful angel baby.
That first mother’s day after Jax’s death was paralysing. I can’t put into words the pain of having no baby to hold on what was meant to be our first special day. How can you express the grief of mother on a day that SHE is meant to be celebrated when all she wakes up to are empty arms and a broken heart?
Mother’s Day is a beautiful celebration for so many women, a celebration of motherhood and all that it stands for. So many women have been through tough, life-changing journeys to be able to hold their children in their arms and this SHOULD be celebrated.
But others are still praying and fighting for the title, for the chance to celebrate with all the other mums in the world. Not until you have walked a different path are you able to see things from a different perspective.
I understand both sides, I can see how the day can magnify the hurt, the desire, but I also see in the beauty in the day.
We need to pay tribute to the beautiful mothers that walk this earth. The mothers who sacrifice themselves every single day for the love, health and happiness of their children. Who put them first and love them with all of themselves… to you, Happy Mother’s Day!
To the women who are struggling today…
The women who have woken up with a heavy heart and are wondering how they will get through the day. You can and you WILL. I have learnt that strength arises when you’ve experienced such searing loss. We do not move on from grief, we move forward, we live on, but we are not the same as we once were.
Be gentle with yourself this Mother’s Day.
Take each hour by hour.
You are not forgotten, you are not alone and even though you don’t think it will, the sun will shine again tomorrow.
Much love to you, from a grieving mother.
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