10 Things I’ve learnt from being a First Time Mama

Becoming a mum is by far the most amazing experience of my life, it’s more special than I’d ever imagined.  But it’s also taught me some valuable lessons and I hope they can help you on your journey:

1. To embrace motherhood – the chaos, exhaustion, and all!

Becoming a mum has given me unending joy, love and happiness, but it’s also been the most challenging, exhausting, and chaotic time of my life. Things that were once quick and simple like ducking into the supermarket to buy some groceries or putting petrol in the car are now mammoth undertakings… Even jumping in the shower is not an easy task these days!

There are certainly times when I feel overwhelmed and stressed but no matter how chaotic, how messy, how exhausted I get, I’ve learnt to embrace motherhood in its entirety and wouldn’t trade it for the world!

In moments of stress I’ve found it beneficial to stop what I’m doing, take a deep breath and reassure myself that it’s okay. I then spend a few minutes just cuddling or playing with my baby which always seems to help the worries fade away and without a doubt puts a smile on my face.

2. To trade expectations for appreciation. 

This has been a tough lesson for me to learn! Having watched ‘One Born Every Minute’ and read birthing books religiously in the lead up to my due date, I had this beautiful idea of what my birthing experience was going to be.  But following a complicated labour that lasted for days and resulted in an emergency caesarean, it’s safe to say that my birthing experience was not what I had expected! I struggled with this for a little while, but knew that it was more important for me to focus on the appreciation that my baby was born safely and that he was healthy.

But it wasn’t just the birth.  Without having realised it, I’d placed so many expectations on myself for when I was to become a mum.

I used to tell my hubby, “When I’m at home with bub you won’t have to do anything when you come home from work, I want to have all the housework done and dinner ready each day.” He used to reassure me that he didn’t expect that and tell me not to put those pressures on myself but I was determined to prove him wrong…

Fast forward and now I see how right he was. And I must admit it does still get to me as there are some days I feel stressed that I’m really behind on the housework, or that I haven’t even managed to get out of my pjs let alone prepare dinner!  But I am the only one putting that pressure on myself and have learnt not to do that anymore!

I’m so grateful to have a supportive understanding husband, but I’ve had to teach myself that it’s okay if I don’t get everything, or even anything, done some days.  I’ve learnt to appreciate it, when I achieve small tasks, rather than focusing on the stuff I’m not able to do.  It means I can actually enjoy this season of having a small baby.

This leads into the next thing I’ve discovered. I had this mentality that I needed to get everything done ON MY OWN. I struggled to let my husband help out with chores when he came home, and it was even more difficult for me to reach out when it came to caring for my baby.

Despite spending seven months on the bare minimum sleep, I kept telling myself that I could help my son get into a better routine, and that I should be able to do it without any support.

But I was wrong, after all I am a first time mum and there’s only so much I could do. With the assistance from experts in this field I was finally able to help my baby and I get the rest we needed. It made me understand that I am not an inadequate mother for seeking help, and that in hindsight, reaching out actually made me a better mum!

We have a blended family of four kid, so when I took time time off to be a stay at home mum it was tough for us financially. But here are some hints that have helped us:

– Creating a meal planner each week

– Sticking to shopping lists

– Finding ways to have fun at home including board games and movie nights

– DIY date night picnic at home

– Making use of free community activities such as babies’ book club at the library, free water park, going to the beach or walking around local parks.

One of the biggest issues I’ve faced has been to do with work. On one hand I felt guilty that the financial pressure had fallen solely on my husband while I stayed at home with my baby, and on the other hand I felt guilty at the idea of putting my baby into daycare at such a young age for me to return to work. It felt like I couldn’t win either which way!

Thankfully I managed to find a solution that provided some balance! Rather than returning to my full time role, I actually started an online business that allowed me to work from home and I was able to return to my job on a part time basis. Only having to put my baby into daycare two days a week and being able to contribute financially to our household has felt like a win win for me!

This is something I’ve never managed to do until very recently. The concept of loving myself seemed selfish. But this is a lesson I wish I’d learnt sooner!

When I love myself I begin to look after myself and value who I am. The improved self esteem is priceless and while I’m always striving to improve, I now acknowledge how far I’ve come. In learning to love myself I am able to be a better mum, a better wife, and a better person.

So in loving myself I’ve grasped the concept of a little “me time” without the guilt! It’s so important to make this time for yourself on a daily basis even if it’s simply indulging in a relaxing bubble bath, catching up on some Netflix or reading some of your book.

Hell yeah! Having always been shy and insecure, I often found myself feeling inadequate in some way, but I’ve learnt to stop comparing myself to anyone else.  Now I’ve come to realise that no one is perfect, nor should they be! Instead I am embracing it and finding motherhood to be the most perfect imperfection of all!

I’ve found that it’s great to ask advice even if you think it’s trivial! Connecting with other mums has been amazing for me and being able to share tips that I’ve learnt to help others feels fantastic!

But you often get conflicting advice, and let’s face it everyone is different, so certain methods may work better for others.  Seek advice and help but always go with what’s in your mama heart! Other people don’t know your unique circumstances, family, and baby. 

Having always been self conscious, I have never truly loved my body, but I’ve come to learn that’s because I was always focusing on how it looked rather than what it could do. Despite having stretch marks, a c-section scar, and flabby belly I am loving myself more than ever.

Motherhood has given me a huge appreciation for my body.  I have loved watching it grow to home our beautiful baby for nine months and then continue to provide for him. I have been exclusively breastfeeding my son who is now eight months old and I get so much satisfaction in knowing that my body continues to give him what he needs.

The first few sleepless nights in hospital as a first time mum recovering from a c-section were relentless. I had a hungry bub that just wanted to suckle to bring in my milk rather than sleep. I was utterly exhausted, in pain, severely sleep deprived, and had no idea of what I was doing. I felt so alone. I had amazing support from my hubby and family, but when the visiting hours were over it was back to me and baby.

Sure there were some lovely midwives who came in to help every so often but they were short staffed so I was often left alone with bub trying to work out what to do. Despite this being the most amazing life changing time of my life there were moments where I broke down and cried – I was so emotional and just wanted to go home!

But I was able to take comfort in knowing that I wasn’t truly alone. The mum that passed me in the hall who was also barely able to walk to the bathroom smiled at me and we just looked at each other as if to say “I know what you’re going through!”

The mum yelling down the corridor in labour and the woman in the room across from me on the phone to her mum asking for help were also reassuring. There were so many other women going through the same thing!

Quite some time after bubs was born I started experiencing intrusive thoughts that were just awful. I’d later find that this was all part of postnatal anxiety. At the time it was scary and I felt like there was something wrong with me. I didn’t believe my doctor when he told me this was common. But I’ve since connected with so many mums that have been going through the exact same thing!

No matter what you are feeling or going through – know that you are not alone! Reach out and connect with other mums… If you feel there aren’t any mums you can reach out to, please reach out to me!

You can contact Steph by registering through the link below, or you can find more support at National Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Helpline.